We are all feeling the crunch of our current economic climate.  When money gets tight stress increases and this often affects relationships.  Couples may argue more, sometimes about money, sometimes about other things.  What are some of the things you can your partner can do to alleviate your worries, thereby easing some of the stress?

Admittedly, not having enough money to pay the bills, losing a job or being faced with the possibility of losing your home is not an easy path to negotiate without difficulty, but if you do whatever you can to keep communicating and let each other know you are not throwing in the towel and will stand by each other though these difficult times can only help.
Here are some steps you can take, regardless of how financially secure you may or may not be:

1)  Create a budget.  Sit down together, and make some rules about how you will talk about this first off.  Agree that you will not argue or criticize your partner if you have different opinions on what should be in the budget.  Start by agreeing to just "brainstorm" it out.  That means that you can both just put ideas out for now, and you can cross things off the list later, together.  But for now, just get things down on paper.  What should be in your budget?  Major expenses that can't be set aside first; that means pay the mortgage or rent; if you have car payments; credit cards payments; medical bills.  The items will of course vary by household.  These kind of expenses are "fixed;" they don't change from month to month.  You will need to look at your monthly bills for the past 3 - 6 months to determine the fixed expenses.  Then determine "variable" expenses - expenses that change month to month, like groceries, eating out, clothing, entertainment, etc.  Sometimes auto costs are variable, like gas, repairs, oil, etc.  Include your yearly income, any interest or dividends you might get from bank accounts or stocks, and any other income.  Subtract the fixed expenses from this, and then you can figure how much you have left for variable expenses.  If you have huge credit card debt, you want to try to get it paid off as soon as possible because you may be paying a lot of interest.  There are non-profit organizations that can help you consolidate your credit card debt, and even negotiate a lower interest rate for you.  You may need to do some research on this.  After you calculate your income, your fixed and variable expenses, you will come up with your "Net Cash Flow" - how much money you have "flowing" in and out.

2) You may want to make a "future budget" based on what you expect to be earning in the near future - do you have a new job on the horizon (some people actually are getting new jobs); is there a raise in the future?  Other than that, the process is the same.  But it gives you something on which to set goals for future saving and spending.

3) Calculate your Net Worth.  When couple's know how much they are actually worth, it becomes more real to them.  That is, when one partner says "you can't buy that because we can't afford it," often times the other partner doesn't really have a grasp of what is or isn't affordable; and sometimes the "saver" doesn't realize that something’s are more affordable than they thought.  To calculate your net worth, take into consideration your "liquid assets" - money you can get your hands on right now without having to sell property, like bank accounts, cash on hand (maybe you keep a stash of cash in the house for emergencies?) and anything else that can be converted to cash now.  Other assets include stocks and bonds, mutual funds, your home, your cars, collectibles, furnishings, the family silver, and perhaps money that is owed to you.  You might have IRA's or 401K plans, or life insurance.  These are "Other Assets"  that you don't want to cash in unless it is an extreme emergency; there are large penalties for withdrawing money from retirement accounts early.  Add up all the assets, and then determine your current liabilities and debts.  These consist of credit card debt, personal loans you owe, mortgages, college loans, bank loans, anything else that is a loan or a payment you make on a regular basis.  Perhaps there are medical bills owning; these are liabilities.  When you subtract our total debt from your total assets, you will have your net worth.  It may not be as bad as you think - but that isn't an excuse to spend it all!

4) Set financial goals.  You should each write down what you would like to be able to do, how high or low the priority is, and how much time you want to take to reach the goal.  Do you want to take a cruise somewhere?  That might be a goal.  Do you want to retire by a certain age?  That is a goal.  Write down what you would like to buy.  Do you want - or need - a newer car?  What is the priority?  How much time do you want to take to reach that goal?   Then get together and compare your lists.  Rank your goals from highest to lowest.  See what you have in common, then decide together what you need to do to reach a goal.  Do you need to reduce monthly spending?  Eat out less? Or do you want to be able to eat out at least once a week?  Create a spending plan.  What can each of you contribute towards your common goals?

5) Take a look at your "money personalities." This is a little harder.  Share how your families handled money and what the attitude about it was when you were growing up.  Did you father pay the bills and give your mother an allowance?  Did it work in the reverse?  Did you get an allowance when you were younger?  Or did your parents just give you money whenever you asked?  What conclusions did you reach about money as a child, given how it was handled?  What money habits would you like to change in your current relationship?  Who is the saver and who is the spender?  How can you meet in the middle?  Were you aware, as a child of financial conflicts at home?  How were they handled?  How you and your partner like to resolve financial conflicts in your relationship?

6) Goals and Motivations.  What do you want, and why do you want it?  Do you want a bigger house?  Why?  Do you need more room, or will your friends be impressed?  Do you have obligations you need to save for - a college education for your children, perhaps?  Why is that important to you - so you will feel like a more responsible parent, or so you will be able to say your child when to an exclusive college?  What is the reason?

7)  Assess your Financial Well-being.  What do you feel is your level of financial stress now, from 1 - 10?  How satisfied are you with your financial situation today?  How do you feel about your current financial condition?  How often do you worry about being able to meet normal monthly living expenses?  How confident are you that you could find the money to pay for a financial emergency if it is over $1000.00?How often do you find you want to do something, like go out to eat but can't afford it?  All the time?  A few times a month?  Never?  How frequently does it feel like you are living paycheck to paycheck?  You and your partner can discuss these issues and come up with a plan to ease the stress on one or each of you.  If your net worth is better than you thought, take a look at that and see if helps ease some of the stress.

Money can be a very emotional issue.  We learn to handle money from our parents, and if we grew up very poor, we either tend to hang on to every cent and want to not spend any of it, or if we are very comfortable and have enough, we become "big spenders" to make up for the perceived deprivation we suffered as a child.  Whatever your experience was, it may be time to take a realistic look at what it is, and can be, now.  If you and your partner find that you cannot discuss these issues without it leading to a fight,  a good therapist, with training in this area, can help you work through these issues, as can a good financial planner if that better meets your needs.