Relationships and the Economic Crunch
Posted by Cynthia Horacek at 11/9/2008 10:38 AM 
Categories: Relationships, Therapy, Couples, psychotherapy
Categories: Relationships, Therapy, Couples, psychotherapy
We are in an economic crunch. The price of gas went up, demand dropped, the price went down which hurt the gas station owners, demand might increase as a result of lower prices, which may increase the price of gas. The very basic "Supply and Demand" of Econ 101 (which you may or may not remember from school - I never did get economics myself) flows throughout our entire society in times like this. People lose jobs, employers can't pay for goods, people can't spend money shopping so the retailer lays off people and can't pay suppliers, people can't pay for services. This in turn often leads to added stress in relationships - there isn't enough money to do the things we wanted or planned to do, and one partner may understand more than the other partner.
In some couples, the "breadwinner", whether it is the man or the woman (I do not intend to exclude same-sex couples, it's just easier to speak of a man and a woman than to put all of it in throughout my article, so please bear with me) is worried and anxious as they see more money going out than coming in, especially if the outgoing is on items that are not a necessity - like a new dress or new golf clubs, or a new purse... so many things people want that they can't live without.... but that's another article.
And people are angry. Most of us are angry at the big guys on Wall Street who drove their companies into the ground, and walked away with millions of dollars, and seem to be getting away with it (gee, do you think maybe I'm a little angry, too?) When financial burdens - and anger towards those responsible - are added to the stress of relationships, couples may start to argue more, agree less and generally feel the relationship is near an end, or that it just isn't working out.
As I have told many of my clients, good relationships are work, and the work isn't just in the beginning, or the middle or the end - it's an ongoing process of give and take, listening and hearing, compromise and putting someone else first besides yourself. You might think that in a marriage, of course you put your spouse first! But this is often not the case, and people get angry and begin to place blame on their partner. "If you hadn't bought that new car last year, we wouldn't be in this mess now..." "If you had taken a better job, we'd have more money saved..." The list of accusations that I have heard in my office is endless.
Psychotherapy is a "service industry" - you pay a fee for a service, like maybe a gardener or a housekeeper or a window washer a few times a year. If you go to therapy, you are paying for each session as a service. In times like this when money is tight, and people are trying to figure out what to cut out of their expenses, they often drop therapy.
However, marriage counseling - or therapy, whatever you want to call it - can be extremely helpful in times like these. An independent third party who doesn't take sides and won't make judgments may be the best person to help you with your financial issues.
For example, I just took a wonderful course for therapists called "Money 1to1", which gave me the tools to help couples adjust their expectations about money, learn how to talk about money, learn to balance a budget and know what they are spending on (cash flow), learn to set aside money for the things they want (versus the things they need); how to prioritize what is most important to spend on and when to save. While I am not a financial expert and do not give financial advice or tell you what to do with your money, I can help you learn to talk about investing, retirement and even tax issues. We do this together by narrowing down what the real issues you are struggling with are and then come up with a plan for how I can help you work it out together in the shortest possible time frame.
You may be thinking "That's one more thing for me to be spending money on..." but it's really an investment in your future, and the future of your relationship. At the end, you should walk away with a better understanding of financial matters and a plan addressing what to do with your money.
In some couples, the "breadwinner", whether it is the man or the woman (I do not intend to exclude same-sex couples, it's just easier to speak of a man and a woman than to put all of it in throughout my article, so please bear with me) is worried and anxious as they see more money going out than coming in, especially if the outgoing is on items that are not a necessity - like a new dress or new golf clubs, or a new purse... so many things people want that they can't live without.... but that's another article.
And people are angry. Most of us are angry at the big guys on Wall Street who drove their companies into the ground, and walked away with millions of dollars, and seem to be getting away with it (gee, do you think maybe I'm a little angry, too?) When financial burdens - and anger towards those responsible - are added to the stress of relationships, couples may start to argue more, agree less and generally feel the relationship is near an end, or that it just isn't working out.
As I have told many of my clients, good relationships are work, and the work isn't just in the beginning, or the middle or the end - it's an ongoing process of give and take, listening and hearing, compromise and putting someone else first besides yourself. You might think that in a marriage, of course you put your spouse first! But this is often not the case, and people get angry and begin to place blame on their partner. "If you hadn't bought that new car last year, we wouldn't be in this mess now..." "If you had taken a better job, we'd have more money saved..." The list of accusations that I have heard in my office is endless.
Psychotherapy is a "service industry" - you pay a fee for a service, like maybe a gardener or a housekeeper or a window washer a few times a year. If you go to therapy, you are paying for each session as a service. In times like this when money is tight, and people are trying to figure out what to cut out of their expenses, they often drop therapy.
However, marriage counseling - or therapy, whatever you want to call it - can be extremely helpful in times like these. An independent third party who doesn't take sides and won't make judgments may be the best person to help you with your financial issues.
For example, I just took a wonderful course for therapists called "Money 1to1", which gave me the tools to help couples adjust their expectations about money, learn how to talk about money, learn to balance a budget and know what they are spending on (cash flow), learn to set aside money for the things they want (versus the things they need); how to prioritize what is most important to spend on and when to save. While I am not a financial expert and do not give financial advice or tell you what to do with your money, I can help you learn to talk about investing, retirement and even tax issues. We do this together by narrowing down what the real issues you are struggling with are and then come up with a plan for how I can help you work it out together in the shortest possible time frame.
You may be thinking "That's one more thing for me to be spending money on..." but it's really an investment in your future, and the future of your relationship. At the end, you should walk away with a better understanding of financial matters and a plan addressing what to do with your money.
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